Montag, 25. August 2014

Fault finding, or: things you can learn from watching "Shopping Queen".

I recently told you that the TV program "Shopping Queen“ inspired me to write a series of posts.

For all those who don’t know the program:
In each episode one woman is allowed to buy herself an outfit in line with a certain motto – which other women  subsequently judge by awarding points.
The whole thing is generally an entertaining TV show – but what does it have to do with your life?

Just like last time the following text is NOT about the program, but about one of its individual statements and the connection to your everyday life.
Statements such as:

2. "The golden buckle on the shoes doesn’t match the silver zipper on the purse.”

While the other candidates comment the woman on the catwalk, there is usually one sentence that makes me laugh every time.
In simple terms it is this:
"The golden buckle on the shoes doesn’t match the silver zipper on the purse.”

In my opinion there is no other sentence that expresses the phenomenon of negative perspective and fault finding more than this one!
Outfit: TOP
Hair: TOP.
Make-up: TOP.
Appearance: FANTASTIC.

Just one second….where is the fault….where is the fault…..ah, look!

If it wasn’t so sad, this statement could indeed become an in-joke.

But it is sad, because it highlights what happens a thousand times in our everyday lives: not in a TV format, but everywhere in “real” life.

Instead of concentrating on the beautiful, valuable, great things one goes searching for faults.
And we all know: “the one who seeks finds”.
As soon as you have discovered the fault it does not matter how small and inconsequential it might be – one simply focuses in on it.
"Yes, the woman is quite pretty, but her shoes are impossible!”
"Yes, my son is a nice boy, but his spelling is really a disaster!”
"Yes, we are doing fine, but the weather is really awful: far too cold for August!”
"Yes, it was a nice barbecue with friends – but you should have been at my side a lot more, honey!”
"Yes, I have a new job – but this colleague of mine is driving me crazy.”
(After someone has complimented you on your new dress): “Yes, thank you – but my legs look so fat when I wear it.”

This disgusting search for faults, these horrible little stabs accompanied by resentment, a bit of envy and narrow-mindedness  – this absolute daily “normal” and “but everybody does it” – looking for the negative things and making it the main focus: it’s pure poison for you.

„But we have freedom of speech: I can simply say it, when I don’t like something?!”

Of course.
Any time.
You are free to damage yourself any time, as much as you want – nobody is going to stop you.
You are free to live the crappiest life, ruled by rotten thoughts, even more rotten, confused feelings and dominated by outward circumstances – go right ahead! 
Of course you are free to be a backbiter, but…

"But what if I’m right?”

You can stuff your “oh, how wonderful I’m right”, you measly little low life.

A negative mind will NEVER give you a positive life – right?
Thousands like the quote on facebook and Instagram, hundreds fiercely nod their heads in consent – and not even 3 minutes later they bitch about a friend/teacher/boss/child/job/weather/whatever.
Even if you may find this shocking:
If you continue like this, this course of action will always prevent you to live the life you dream of.
If you fill yourself with negative crap, in the end only negative crap will spill out of you – even if this crap seems really “harmless”, insignificant or in your eyes unimportant.
Small BS is still BS.

And negative, finger-pointing crap will never bring happiness, love, success and joy – it is a law of the universe written in stone, similar to the law of gravity.

Good news is:
You are also free to decide in favor of love.
To devote yourself to the good, the strong, the higher good.
You don’t have to play in the dirt and stand by the wayside to point your finger at others.
This behavior has nothing to do with greatness – absolutely nothing with success – and less than nothing with love.
On the contrary: searching for faults (whether in yourself or others doesn’t make a difference in this case) poisons yourself in small doses, makes you bitter, ugly (sorry, but it’s true), weak and narrows your horizon.

Be aware of this:
This behavior is rampant and so “normal” that you will hardly notice it.
We live in a society that welcomes the critical view on things and people, while a positive outlook on life is eyed (rather critically, lol), and is even viewed as odd and bizarre (!) most of the time.
This is the reason why it will feel a little unusual at first to consciously no longer tolerate this way of thinking.

Make the decision (for example right now would be a perfect point in time) that this way is not worthy of you.
Make the decision – just for yourself, you don’t have to tell anyone about it! – to no longer fill your head and mouth with trash, because you consider yourself too precious for this.
Refuse to look for faults.
Should you discover any, refuse to make them the center of attention, to ponder on them and to talk with others about them.

Even, if reason yells and rolls around on the ground in a hissy fit like a three-year-old in the check-out lane (and believe me: it will happen! For years it was allowed to play in the dirt and suddenly it’s over or what?) – be decisive and clear:
I won’t be abused as a muckraker.

See, you are too GREAT for this low level.
You are already TOO STRONG for it.
You are TOO BEAUTIFUL, TOO PRECIOUS, TOO IMPORTANT to continue to harm yourself and others.

It is not worthy of you!

"But if I do not deal with my faults, can I work on them?”
Um, no, don’t.
Deal with love instead – faults will suddenly not exist anymore at all!

One piece of advice:
If you surround yourself with successful people you will notice that they hardly ever look for faults: they dream instead, they tackle things, they develop new ideas and solutions – or they simply have fun!
They are not even interested in anything else.

So your guidelines are these:
You are not on this earth to look for faults.
You are here to love.
You are here to radiate an aura of happiness and success.
You are here to represent love itself.
You are here to enjoy life to the extreme.
How does petty thinking, bitching, pointing fingers become you then?
It doesn’t become you at all!
Just as a millionaire does not cry over a little lost coin – just as a cat doesn’t bark – a love messenger doesn’t search for faults.
Not for her own nor for those of others.

"But Joanna….if I am not supposed to think about how stupid everyone else is and how many mistakes they make – what am I going to do all day long?"

(or alternatively take up crocheting – I personally would prefer loving after all.)

Yes, you knew that already – I just wanted to remind you.
Oh, you’re welcome.


This post was translated by Ginnell Studio.

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