Dienstag, 22. Juli 2014

"What do you think of me?”, or: things you can learn from watching "Shopping Queen".

A little information before we start:

"Shopping Queen" is one of the most successful light programs on German television.
Each week 5 women are sent on their way with 500,-€ each to shop for a certain themed outfit within a few hours.
It all culminates in a short catwalk presentation and a rating in points by the other participants.
The program is hosted by the designer Guido Maria Kretschmer in a very entertaining way.

That’s the contents of the program – summed up for the three people who haven’t yet seen it.

Yet today I don’t want to write about the program as such – some of its statements that repeatedly come up have inspired me spontaneously to write a post.

To write a series of posts even!
(and guess who had the most fun with this once again, heh heh…)


this is NOT about the program: it runs by rules and the people who participate know what they are in for – however, it is about your everyday life and the connection between you and certain statements that you will hear during the program. So, dear readers, get cozy on your couch, because today let’s watch Shopping Queen together!

The very moment the contestant of the day finishes her gig she asks everyone the following question:

1. "So….? What do you think of me?”

This is the slogan running through most women’s heads (often enough also through those of men. I dare to say, though, that more women are concerned with this):

"What do the others think of me?”
"How am I received?"
"How do the others perceive me?"
"Which impression do I make?"
"Am I pretty enough, appropriate, funny enough, slim enough, attractive, blabla…”

These questions have no place in your life.

whatever others think of you is NONE of your business. "Yes, but I have a better self-esteem, if others approve of me!”


Not true.
You don’t build a better self-esteem, you only have a fleeting FEELING.
A nice feeling, but still only a feeling.

You will only get addicted to affection from the outside:
If you get approval – you feel fine.
If you don’t – you feel worse.

This is not worthy of you and has NOTHING to do with love and genuine strength.
How others perceive you does not fall into your scope of responsibility.
It’s none of your business and does nothing for you.
As long as you relate it to yourself, you will always (unconsciously) act accordingly and you will always “want to please”.
But wanting to please people is simply a milder version of brown-nosing – how on earth is THIS fitting for a love messenger?

Love is strong.

God himself.

Do you think I ever ask myself how others perceive me?
Do you seriously think I imagine first how I am received by people?
Whether they like me or not?
Whether they like how I write my blog, how I dress, how I address certain subjects, how I raise my kids, how I work?

I really don’t care about it at all – my time is simply way too precious for this kind of stuff.

And it simply doesn’t interest me at all.
Just as I’m not interested in the results of Uzbekistan’s soccer league.
Or in the opinion of the ant colonies currently populating our back yard.


it is IMPORTANT that I don’t concern myself with it in the first place!
That’s why I am writing about it today:
it is critical for you to learn not to concern yourself with it at all.
Because only then will you be able to develop your full potential and to be as happy and successful as possible.
Free from rejection and affection.  

I am OK – if someone feels really uncomfortable in my presence I don’t relate it to me.
Of course it is sometimes a challenge: some people have to battle with feeling inferior, envious, resentful etc. when they get to know me.
But it is nothing to do WITH ME – doesn’t concern me – and doesn’t weigh me down.

If my daughters go somewhere and this place exudes a weird energy – they NEVER ask themselves:

"I feel uncomfortable…what’s wrong with me?”

"Oh. It’s strange here…or…or is my perception wrong?”
"These people don’t seem to really like me…is something wrong with me?”

They NEVER do that.


The most they do is stating the fact that:

"Oh. It’s weird HERE. It’s someone else’s problem.” 
And that’s it.
And imagine: they are always, always, always 100% right with their perception. It surprises me every single time.

Do you understand:

they NEVER question their ability to judge.
And even less THEMSELVES.
They don’t scrutinize themselves, but simply take it for granted that they are completely OK.
Whether or not they get approval from others – they couldn’t care less.

That’s why it would never even OCCUR to them to ask what others think of them.

Because it is simply none of their business ;).

"But one wants to be popular…”
Yes, others maybe.
But a love messenger is a being from a different “planet”.
You ARE different, you can’t deny it.
Do you understand:

And you as well.

You are strong, and free, and powerful, and your love changes everything around you.

Everything that you are and that you have is immeasurably precious – you are aware of it.
The more aware you are of it, the more passionate the reactions of other people are.

But whether you are loved or hated – none of this is your business.

You keep your floors clean, your chest held high and your mind clear from other people’s crap.
Whether this is affection or rejection:
doesn’t matter.

There will always be people who love you – good for THEM. There will always be people who don’t love you – bad for THEM, good for YOU, as you are given a wonderful opportunity to practice the art of “staying unfazed by other people’s opinion”!

When I go places people always react to me: most of the times everyone loves me.
Of course you like hanging out with love, who doesn’t?
But it isn’t that I am happier because of it or that it improves my mood – it is simply nice for THEM, do you understand? Sometimes some of my readers write:
"Joanna, your husband must be very happy to have you and appreciate you immensely!”

Um…don’t know, maybe ;).

Would be better for him ;).
But I don’t think  about it – that’s his thing.
Not my responsibility.

Or (usually when I write birthday posts):
"Oh Joanna, your children surely love that they have to have a mother like you.”

Um…yes…I don’t know, I think so.

Maybe – but I don’t care about their opinion!

Because there’s somebody, who is so extremely happy to have me and appreciates my existence so greatly that he could cry with happiness!

Do you know who that could be?

Even if I had nothing else to be happy about in my life:

I could be happy all day long about the fact that I’m in this world.
(And to be honest that’s exactly what I do.)

It has nothing to do with narcissism, being in love with myself without reflection or even arrogance: 
it is simply true and pure love.
And because it is so strong, like a wave it unintentionally spills over to all those around me and, oh wonder: my children are also happy about themselves, just because.

"Well, great, Joanna, but I am not always near you.”

Look, my words carry immense power, they are able to yank you out of your old life and pull you into something new with unimaginable force and tenderness.

Only, if you want it, love me and trust me. Then my love will flow through all wifi connections straight into your heart (it's magic, I know.), and suddenly you will love and enjoy yourself so very much.

And the next time you catch a thought whispering:

"So…what do people here think about me…?”
you slap it right in the face.
Just like you swat a fly – it’s nothing more than that.
Uninteresting, annoying for a second – away with it and that’s it.
And then you know:
"Oh, right. It’s none of my business, Joanna said so.”

You are not responsible for everything – only for being as happy as possible!

And I will help you achieve it!
Well, you really HAVE it easy…honestly.
With me by your side ;).

Some will certainly find this way of life challenging, I am totally aware of it.

But it’s only because one is so used to this inferiority and this “questioning yourself all the time”, one’s own insecurity and self-reflection and “constantly scrutinizing yourself “ that one believes all this crap is the norm.
Oh, whatever!
This “am I OK, what do the others think of me” crap is really BS!

I live by a different norm, which is entirely free of these things – and I am strong, beautiful, light, inspiring and successful every second of it!

Yes, it actually works, just imagine!

So let’s build a new norm together – one that serves as a beacon to many!

One that inspired others and challenges them, one that drags them away from their comfort zones and opens up new horizons!
Nothing can achieve this except love!

It’s a truly perfect coincidence that you are a messenger of love, right!
Because love is your life, your core competency and thus your easiest skill:
for you to love means to BREATHE.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.




p.s. the next time you watch "Shopping Queen" you have to realize:

you don’t watch it just for fun!
You watch it to learn for life!

This post was translated by Ginnell Studio.

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