Mittwoch, 17. September 2014

5 things they didn’t teach you in school.

I am deeply convinced that most things they teach you in school are of no use to you in life at all.

I am equally convinced that the things that matter most in life are not taught in school, not one little bit.

School offers a completely warped picture of life – I can guarantee you that. And this is why it creates an awful lot of problems: for if you constantly confuse important stuff with unimportant stuff, it is no wonder you are not happy.

Unfortunately your own parents are no great help either, as they were students in the same type of schools!
(Now you know why I am so relaxed when it comes to school and my children ;)).

The good news is:
No matter what you have learned and studied – it is never too late to learn the really important things.
And I am going to help you with it.
I will open your horizon and will show you that there is much, much more than you have believed there is so far – and on top of it everything is so much more beautiful and simpler than what they told you in school.
For example…

They tell you:

it is important that you are popular – the number of your friends somehow indirectly translates into what kind of person you are.
If you do not have that many friends, you need at least one BFF.
Or 3 best girlfriends (smells a lot like Sex and the City).
Friends are the new must-have item and in some circles they are even a kind of status symbol – if, on the other hand, you do not have any, you are a MOF (German slang for “Mensch ohne Freunde” = Human without friends), unlikeable and lonely.

Before you exclaim “oh, come on, Joanna!”: this image is more deeply seated than you think.
This “friend” thing is so important in society that you bend over backwards, if need be, to please others, to belong, to be accepted and liked.
If you have no friends: what a disaster!

The truth:

You really don’t have to give a shit about how many friends you have, and WHETHER at all you have any in this moment. It says nothing about you.
Maybe it is because you are so exceptional that it is your fate NOT to swim with the tide?
Maybe YOU are the top dog and the pack will gather around you later?
I am deeply convinced that people who play a prominent role should not be with others all the time.
It is simply not possible.
Their view is so totally different, what’s an eagle supposed to do among chickens? I don’t mean that in an arrogant way, but in a very pragmatic one – if it is your calling to change the world, it’s not your place to be among people whose only thing is to wait for the week-end to start.
How is this supposed to work?
So don’t be surprised, if you find yourself alone for a while – it is God’s gift to you!

I will tell you something else:

it is actually a fact that many “friendships” (deliberately in converted commas!) only exist, because they make you feel hipper. 
Or more important.
And just because you want to belong.
Or because you know that this relationship will “be useful” in the future.
Or because it has become a habit.
Or simply to not be alone.
You’d be shocked, if you knew how hollow many friendly relationships really are – or how dishonest, because you cannot openly talk about what bugs you.

The truth is:

And when I say “not good for you”, I don’t necessarily mean that they are negative – I’m saying that their limited way of thinking subconsciously transfers to you.
You can be an eagle all you want – if you move among chickens for an extended time, you cannot help but start to stare at the ground and look for food after some time.
When in fact you were born to fly above such things!

When you find yourself alone for some time (e.g. because your life situation has changed, you have moved, a friendship has ended, etc.) – regard this time as one of ultimate value for your life.

You are worth it to discover yourself, for once without the influence of others.
You are worth it to learn how beautiful it is to be alone, and to feel love and happiness deep inside of yourself without anyone from the outside having to acknowledge it.
You should be as free and independent as humanly possible – and not abuse people for getting acknowledgment.

You will hardly believe it, but this is a lesson that will be crucial for your entire life.

They never teach you this topic in school, but the truth is:

IT DOES NOT MATTER ONE BIT, whether you have friends right now or not.

Your happiness does not depend on it at all.

You are not lacking anything because of it!
How is love supposed to lack anything at all?

"But, Joanna, I wish I had friends!”

Yes, of course.

God will provide you with the right person at the right time – they will not only love you selflessly, but also inspire you endlessly, nudge you forward, encourage you and walk the path together with you.
For sure!
But this won’t happen because of a deficiency (“I neeeed somebody!”), but because together you will be EVEN stronger.
It’s gonna be fine.
And if it isn’t fine right now – you don’t need anybody right now, relax.
Enjoy the time.
Don’t view it as a transition until “I finally find some friends”, but as an important step in your development.

The right ones will always find each other – no need to force it.

Love has the strongest power of attraction on this planet – everyone will want to be near you, you will see!

You, however, are as happy as can be – with or without appendage, doesn’t matter.

Don’t get me wrong:

I am not a supporter of being alone – I’m simply saying it doesn’t matter.
Because it is simply not going to happen that an external circumstance may determine your well-being.
And because I’ve had it to here with this glorification of friendships.

I also do not mean a kind of self-isolation in order to not get hurt (again) – that’s being alone of your own choice and has nothing to do with love, you get it.

"But I feel lonely!”

Then remove loneliness.

You have to understand: loneliness is an ENERGY that has nothing to do with the circumstances!
You can be alone, yet never lonely – it’s possible.

(Every time someone here says something about loneliness, Noelle opens her arms very wide and sings in a loud and dramatic voice: "aaaaaaaall byyyyyy myyyyyyseeeeeelf...". This is going to be the image that you see in front of your inner eye from now on, whenever these feelings show up!).

Do not let ANY loneliness vibes affect you, by no means, OK?

Do not listen to "wish you were here" on repeat, do not read books whose subject matters are lonely people (Do you have any idea who wrote them? Maybe the author was deeply depressed, fighting a constant battle with it, and now you invite his loneliness in and even pay for it?! Voluntarily!) and do not watch movies about loneliness.


It’s simple: you don’t have to allow every BS in.
And by no means the BS of others.

One more important piece of advice for mothers:

just as you do not “need” friends, your children do not “need” any either. So if they really like being by themselves or do not hang out with people their age for a while, by no means instill a feeling of wrongness in them!
Do not unsettle them with your loneliness!
YOUR CHILD IS ALRIGHT, even if she is alone during recess – no need to panic and no need for you to be depressed.
(if your child is sad because of it, tell him what I just told you ;)).

This way you will raise strong and self-assured personalities and not people who constantly need others to know that “everything is alright with them”.

And lastly a word of advice for teenagers:

Do not for one second doubt yourself, if you do not have friends!
Do not ponder about what’s “wrong” with you, or how you have to change in order to belong.
For if you have to change to be popular – forget it.
Dare to be courageous and end what’s bad for you.
Just be in a good mood, be happy about yourself and do not allow others to determine whether you are having a good or a bad day. Do not wonder for one second what you could do to have friends – just don’t think about it – your time is too valuable for this (better take a nap, empty the dishwasher, listen to good music, enjoy nature, go longboarding. Seriously, it benefits everyone way more.)

Listen to me:
IT DOES NOT MATTER ONE BIT, whether you have friends or not.

Be aware of this:

- there are either chickens surrounding you or assholes (yep, there are those. There really are asshole kids.). You cannot change others, but it does not have to cause you sleepless nights either.
- or you are so extraordinary, unique and destined for something so much bigger – don’t get flustered, if nobody is like you. It’ll all come together, I promise – God will provide you with the right person.

So relax and enjoy yourself – you are great, likeable and special, and whatever others think about you is none of your business anyway.

Between ourselves:
Did you know that those who usually were the odd ones out and the uncoolest of them all, tend to come up with the best ideas as adults, they move mountains and often earn millions?
You’ll be surprised: they were not at all the captains of the baseball or the cheerleader teams ;).

"O.k., Joanna. And how do I achieve this?”

Oh, you don’t have to achieve anything or make an effort.
I am not a fan of certain techniques or mental methods.
See, I love you so much that this alone will change you – you read me…and read me… and enjoy it…and then it simply happens.
Should feelings or thoughts to the contrary surface: knock them out.
It couldn’t be any more uncomplicated.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you (like I tell my own children):

Loneliness is not for us!

Instead of it: unlimited love and joy!



p.s. to be continued ;).

This post was translated by Ginnell Studio.

Keine Kommentare:

Kommentar veröffentlichen