34 ANSWERS TO ALL PARENTING ISSUES!

We all know it well:
Raising children is a responsible and at times challenging task. 

It’s just not that easy for parents:
innumerous parenting books have been published, your mother-in-law adds her opinion, and your own offspring’s behavior is worthy of the worst Supernanny case.
Preferably in public.

Sometimes you just feel like throwing your hands up in defeat, don’t you?

But you, dear Liebebotschaft reader, must no longer feel that way! 
In order to really simplify things for you, I have summed up the ultimate responses to ANY situation; they will reliably come to your rescue, when you  - as parents – find yourselves in a tight spot. 
There will be nothing you cannot react to, throwing your offspring quick-witted and effective repartees.
And then all you have to do is WATCH how they – all arguments taken from them – willingly comply and obey without a problem.
Oh, it can be so easy! 
If anyone had summed this up for me at a time, when the kids were still younger – it would have saved me so much time arguing!
This is why I want you to have it easier.




Today’s exclusive service by Liebesbotschaft:

34 ANSWERS TO ALL PARENTING ISSUES! 

1st problem:
Child refuses to eat, or listlessly pushes his food around the plate.

answer:
- The children in Africa would be delighted.
- Next time YOU cook!
- I can’t serve fries and pizza every day, how do you think it’s supposed to work? 

2nd problem:
(Young) child does not want to stop playing and, for example, leave the playground, although it is already late.

answer:
- I will count to three and after that mom is going to leave without you!
- Byyyyyeee! Mom is now leaving without you!
- Jeremy-Alexander, mom is already gooooone!




3rd problem:
Child does not want to do her homework.

answer:
- You are not learning this for my sake, but for life!
- Do you want to become a street cleaner when you grow up?
- Have you done your math homework yet?
- You are not allowed to go outside/play/watch TV/breathe, before your homework is done!
- (after failed math test) See, I told you so! 

4th problem:
Child has a tendency to be messy.

answer:
- This is not a hotel!
- Do you presume I’m your maid?
- I always have to clean up your mess!
- If this is not put away anytime soon, I will take it all and throw it in the trash! 
(As if).





5th problem:
Child’s everyday behavior clashes with mother’s notions of the same.

answer:
- Why don’t you go outside, you just hang out in your room all day long.
- Why don’t you go and meet some friends, you just hang out in your room all day long.
- Why don’t you stay at home for once, you just hang out with your friends all day long.
- Why don’t you go and read a book?
- Stop reading constantly!
- Go find something nice to play with!
- Come and help me with some chores! 

6th problem:
Child wishes for something expensive.

answer:
- When I was young, we didn’t even have cell phones!
- Okay, but don’t spend it all in one go.
- Do you think money grows on the backyard trees?
- When I was young, all anyone ever got for Christmas was one present!
- Do I look like I’m made of money?
- I wish I had been allowed to do this at your age!
- Everyone has an ipad? So if everyone jumps off the cliff, you do it, too?



7th problem:
Child refuses to obey – despite sensible counter arguments. 
Gets vocal, possibly.

answer:
- As long as you are sitting at my table, you do what I say!
- Look at me: I AM TALKING TO YOU!
- Because I am your mother, that’s why!
- You can talk to your friends like that, but not to me!
- BECAUSE I SAY SO! THAT’S WHY! 

My advice:
print out the following lines, hang them up for everyone to see and say to the child in the relevant situation:
"hold on a sec…just a minute….I have to check something….oh, right, here we go! The children in Africa would be delighted!”

Baaaaaam.
Bull’s eye.
You will be able to literally sit back and watch your brats give up in the face of the sentences’ compellent logic, ready to do what you ask for.
Guaranteed peace and harmony at home!

You are very welcome.


Love,
Joanna



p.s. 
Your turn now:
Do you have another phrase that definitely has to be part of this list?
One that drove you up the wall made you obey instantly? 

Thank you for translating, dear Eva Ginnell!

Great work!