Donnerstag, 9. Oktober 2014


1. They are disciplined, hard-working and reliable.
A German person says he’ll be there at 8 pm?
He’ll be there at 7:55 pm.

Assign a task to a German person?

You can say with quite some certainty that he will see it through.
And see it through WELL.
Maybe not necessarily in a creative, surprising, spontaneous or aesthetically pleasing way.
But you can rely on him.
Whether he feels like it or not: once he has given his word, he will stand by it.

In this country quality and dependability are held in high esteem.

Germans assist in creating a safe, politically stable country with their dependable and disciplined ways, a country able to help many others in the world. 
They contribute to constant economic growth, establish great opportunities on the job market, introduce innovative ideas and concepts and are one of the leading economic world powers thanks to all of these characteristics.

 They love to barbecue.

Of course, people barbecue everywhere in the world.

But only in Germany do they do it in such an intense and dedicated way, whatever your social status or age.

It is neither about refined barbecuing methods, nor about elaborate meal preparations:
The German person is happy about a steak and a beer, while flipping said steak on the grill.
Oh, bliss!

3. They are serious.
German people are very happy about a lot of things.
Unfortunately more on the inside.


If somebody wins a prize unexpectedly, he smiles and says:”Oh…I would never have guessed…thanks!”


If somebody wins a prize unexpectedly, he goes bananas, jumps up and down, all the while screeching:"OMG OMG OMGOOOOOD!!!" like a madman.

Germans do not laugh all that much and if they do, by all means they don’t do it loudly.

They don’t applaud spontaneously – except when they are expected to.
They don’t jump for joy, and they don’t break out in little dance routines either.

Once they are adults, they hardly ever jump into puddles, don’t swing on the swing set, don’t sing in public, don’t kid around with strangers and don’t run around in circles when happy.

Because they think all of this is – here we go:


Publicly displayed lust for life is seen not only as awkward (when displayed by others), but also as a little weird (“he must be a freak”.).

They live in one of the most beautiful, richest, safest, most stable countries, with the most opportunities in the world – and this alone would supply them every day with a reason to be happy.

Yet, as they are hardly aware of it, they simply forget how to be genuinely happy.

4. They bake the greatest, most delicious and most varied types of bread in the whole wide world.

 They are diligent.

They love rules, love living by them and help the police by pointing out those rules to everybody else.

They don’t mind preaching to their fellow citizens about their mistakes, even if they are ever so insignificant and small.

They possess a pronounced sense of justice, and are thus always keen to display it.


Someone parks in an illegal spot, or litters openly – passers-by see it, looked the other way in a bored kind of way and walk on.
Unfortunately the country looks the part.


Someone parks in an illegal spot, or litters openly – his misconduct will be pointed out to him IMMEDIATELY, followed by him being watched closely, (e.g. from a window) whether he actually fulfills his obligation, followed by more FORCEFUL instructions, and finally, if necessary, charges will be pressed.

For this reason hardly anyone just crosses the street, everything is tidy and clean, which leads us to the next point…

 Germans are tidy and clean.

Nobody separates their trash as diligently as they do.
Nobody pulls the weeds from the cracks in the sidewalk as precisely as they do, nobody sweeps the leaves and “in front of his own door” as detailed as they do.

And nobody throws such an angry look at the neighbor who fails to do so.

(the latter tried and tested for you.)

For this reason Germany is one of the cleanest and neatest countries in the world – with as much environmental consciousness as possible.


7. They love Nutella.
And beer.
And the Autobahn.
And organic food.
And Stiftung Warentest (similar to Consumer Reports).
And Tatort (German crime TV series).

And stockpiling, yes – they love that, too. If the following day is a holiday, they shop as if stores will never open their doors again:

they panic believing they will die of starvation on this day and therefore stock up sufficiently on 59237465 food items that make up their daily requirements.  
(For a family of 65).

 They are frugal.

Germans don’t do so well with “living in the moment”. They plan a long time ahead, value financial security a lot, and, considering this, they would never do something out of the blue without having reassured themselves a hundred times that it was safe.

They prefer to invest their money in long-term values, and are way too sensible for spontaneous, short-lived and lovely, but pointless things.

Beautiful boots?

"I’m sorry, but no, I already bought a pair of shoes for winter this year.”
Spontaneously going out to dinner?
"I have stuff in the fridge, we’ll eat that first.”

The idea to leave a 30,-€ tip out of sheer joie de vivre, to gift someone with a designer bag, or to spend money just like that on something that has no lasting value or sustainable use would never occur to them.

On the other hand they willingly donate money – they have a very pronounced social consciousness and support a lot of people in the world that are not doing well.

 They love, love, love their cars.
I secretly suppose that German-built cars are of such excellent quality for one reason, and one reason only: they literally adore them!

Every scratch and bump hurts more than a wound on their own body – every little accident is a personal insult (and to be treated as such: emotions! Emotions!) – every crumb inside is removed on a regular basis, everything is polished to a sheen and cleaned until it radiates with extraordinary brilliance. Some even forbid eating in the car (!) – so it does not get dirty.

Although everything still works without a fault, they will buy the latest model on a regular basis.

(Attention: #8 can NOT be applied in this case. This is where they live in the moment, yeeeha!)

German houses’ interiors are crap.

They dress badly.
And they drive the most beautiful, neatest, most luxurious and safest cars in the world.

(and to ensure that it is really fun, they built themselves the best freeways in the world. Which is where they drive as fast as they can. Yeeeeha!)

10.  The Germans’ favorite sentences with regard to their homes:
"We will buy a new sofa, when the kids have left the nest.”
"I hate the tiles in the living room. But I liked them when we put them there, so there’s nothing one can do about it.”
"The wood paneling on the ceiling makes this room cozy.”
"We’ll leave it like that for now – it cost us 10.000 DM.” (30 years ago)
"And this is my craft room.”
"It’s not that nice anymore, but it still works – so it stays.”  

The last sentence:

UN-THINK-ABLE with regard to a car.

 Money is an uncomfortable taboo subject.

They really mistrust riches and success – they regard those with a certain skepticism and suspicion.

The dilemma is: 

on one hand they envy those who succeeded and wish they were like them – while at the same time thinking and talking about them condescendingly.

If they have arrived at affluence, their motto is: by no means attract any attention! 

So they avoid at all costs what might demonstrate their success.
They cannot truly enjoy their own wealth, nor that of anyone else.
It is morally objectionable to be affluent – middle class is OK.

American bloggers:

tell everyone on their blog that they just earned their first million with blogging – and receive thousands of enthusiastic comments from readers, who are beside themselves with joy, congratulate them, shower them with confetti and celebrate them from now on as role models and people with whom to identify.
"If she made it, I can make it, too!"
German bloggers:
apologize a thousand times on their blogs for advertisements, justify their 125,-€ earnings in front of everyone, explain to everyone, who wants to not know, in great detail that everything is always soooo much work for sooooo little money, and stress over and over again that BY NO MEANS they want to get rich by blogging.

If there is sneaking suspicion that they actually do earn money they are instantly eyed with discrimination and full of distrust, as “they only want to enrich themselves” and “they are all about money and nothing else.”

And Germans think: ugh!

Of course everyone wants to have more money, but not…. the others!

12. Dancing isn’t really their strong suit.

They would not mind moving…somehow.

But they only dare to do it – if at all – when way above the legal alcohol limit. Basically they think dancing is above all: embarrassing (see #3).


A street band plays dance music.
Everyone in the whole street dances spontaneously: old, young, man, woman. 


A street band plays dance music.
2 people tap their feet and have to endure ill-meaning glances by the rest of the audience (“must be freak.”).

13.  Favorite sentence from September through May:
"When will summer finally start?!”

Favorite sentence from June through August:

"We are not having a real summer this year!”

Favorite sentence on Mondays:

"Oh no, Monday!"

14. Germans are honest.

Most of them are thoroughly honest, trustworthy and absolutely reliable.

They do not pretend to be something they are not – they’d rather understate than exaggerate.
They are not mean, they do not talk behind your back or have something up their sleeves – they are honest and clear.

They are good, reliable friends and business partners – because it’s simply their style.

 They love to arrange festivals in order to celebrate anything. 

And this is how it works:

they set up wooden tables and benches, sell sausages and beer out of a booth, sit close to each other and are highly content.

As a matter of fact, it doesn’t take much to make them happy


And the thing with “jumping for joy” – I will get it right with them, just you wait.

No problem!


p.s. Have I forgotten anything?
What do you consider typical of our country?

This post was translated by Ginnell Studio.

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